After 2 years of no contraception and over 4 months now since trying properly- I feel different today.
I feel pregnant.
But is it that my brain wants a baby so much that I have convinced myself? I feel tired, nauseous and I can’t sleep!
It’s 3 days before I can test but I might do anyway.
I’m not sure.
In fact, mike is definitely telling me to hold of spending another 20 quid on pregnancy tests! But I am so impatient. I suppose that’s why I decided to talk about conceiving. With my other children I fell pregnant so easily, I just presumed it would be as simple. When you are trying, whether it is your first or fifth you only usually have your partner to talk to. So I am grateful I have you guys to natter to. Always feel free to comment below as well as on my instagram or YouTube. Use whichever platform you feel comfortable talking to me on!
I know for so many that a few months of trying is nothing, that they may have been trying for years, purposefully, to no avail.
For some, who have never found that positive line.
For others who have, yet never held their baby.
To you I send so much love, and baby dust. I can never truely understand that heartbreak, that pain is a different level pain. It comes loaded with mixed emotions of feeling happy for those who have children, but devastated to not hold their own. I can only empathise through experience of working with mums who have lost babies to having friends who are going through infertility or multiple miscarriages. That it is pain. Raw pain.
In no way to disconnect or undervalue those who have struggled with infertility, I decided to talk about my experience. As a mother of two, we have not used any contraception for 2 years. We have been trying for 4 months this month and I’m hoping that this month is the month.
My last post (you can read here) connected with so many and I was flooded with messages on my email and Instagram. Messages talking about the real struggle to talk about conceiving after having a child. The struggle to feel justified in talking about how long it’s taken them, when so many have been trying longer. Or that they have children so feel the judgement that they ‘should be happy’.
That is is why I spoke about my experience. It is just that, MY experience. I can’t speak for everyone, but what I can do is hope that someone will find a feeling of togetherness, solidarity or just someone to say I feel like this too.
After all, we are all humans with individual experiences and I hope to those who are trying get to hold their baby soon.
Being so open about this comes with some downfalls, and why it’s taken me this long to open up. You are all in this with me, and I hope that we can bring you another little Freckle this year. I really do.
Sending love and baby dust to you all, whatever stage you are at ❤️